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Six Phrases to Avoid When Giving Someone Bad News
Giving someone unwelcome—and often unexpected—information is such an unpleasant experience that we have not one, but two common expressions acknowledging it. Whether it’s announcing that we “hate to be the bearer of bad news,” or asking the recipient of the news not to “shoot the messenger,” these phrases are more about absolving ourselves of any guilt we may be feeling about delivering the less-than-desirable message than it is about making it easier on the other person.
There are also a handful of other common expressions we pepper into these conversations that we may think are helpful or comforting, but are actually the opposite. When tasked with delivering bad news, we may be ultra-conscious of our body language, and using an appropriate tone. While those aspects of the conversation are certainly important, focusing on them may make what we’re actually saying to the person an afterthought—prompting us to recite tired lines that are not only cliché, but in some cases, lack empathy. Examples of those phrases to avoid include:
“It could be worse.”
We may think that this phrase helps put things in perspective for the recipient of the bad news, and in a way, it does—demonstrating that the current situation could, in fact, be worse if someone were to minimize its impact. Or, as Ray W. Christner a licensed psychologist with an independent practice in Hanover, Pa. puts it: “[The phrase] can be viewed as a dismissal of the experience, and invalidate the person’s feelings.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
According to Christner, statements like this can be upsetting as it implies there’s a justification for the bad news. Telling someone something they don’t want to hear is bad enough without making it sound like their misfortune was a necessary step towards something bigger—which they may or may not benefit from themselves. See also: “This is all part of God’s plan.”
“You’ll be over this in no time.”
In addition to lacking empathy, using phrases like this one—suggesting that the bad news isn’t a big deal—can change the context of the message, says Aura De Los Santos, a clinical psychologist with a private practice in the Dominican Republic. “Try to be direct and tell it like it is,” she says. “That doesn’t mean saying it in a rude way, but expressing it clearly so that the receiver can express the right emotions.”
“I know exactly how you feel.”
As adults, we should understand that experiences are unique to each person. “We use this in an attempt to ‘normalize’ the experience, but this can be viewed as inconsiderate and unconcerned,” Christner says. Instead, he suggests saying, “I’m sure that’s hard, and I’m here for you to support in anyway.”
“At least…”
As Lifehacker Managing Editor Meghan Walbert explained in 2019, this phrase “is minimizing at best and offensive at worst.” It’s in the same category as “look on the bright side.” In short, don’t use it—even if you think you’re being helpful.
“You should be thankful that…”
Like several of the other phrases on this list, this one “uses language that is laced with the sender’s judgment of the news, instead of letting the receiver make sense of the news and determine their own feelings,” says Hannah Yang, licensed psychologist and founder of Balanced Awakening, a psychotherapy practice for women and couples in Chicago.
Tips for giving someone bad news
Rather than relying on the clichés above, Yang and Christner have some suggestions for getting through the tough conversation:
Take a beat
Though you may be tempted to get the unpleasant task of delivering bad news over with as quickly as possible, Christner says that rushing through the conversation isn’t a good idea. “It’s OK to pause and have a moment of silence to intentionally choose the words you want to use,” he says.
Use compassionate language
Yang recommends choosing language “that conveys compassion and an openness for whatever the receiver’s feelings may be,” as it can help them stay calm at a tense moment.
Stick to the facts
Focus on communicating the facts of the situation. “Wait for the receiver to respond before adding anything else,” Yang says. “See how they make sense of the news first, then come up with a response that is supportive of their initial understanding of the news.” Again, avoid downplaying the bad news, or the person’s reaction to it. Instead, she suggests saying things like, “Yeah, this is hard news to digest,” or “it may take a while to process this.”
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How to Peel Ginger so You Don’t Lose Any of the Good Stuff
When you’re looking for a punchy ingredient that brings wild brightness, heat, and aroma all its own, ginger is number one. Fresh ginger is a powerful ingredient that can transform soups, marinades, cookies, or a humble mug of tea. Like many fresh aromatics, just a dollar or two can buy you enough to last a while, especially if you know how to prepare it and freeze it. Peeling the dry, dusty skin can be the most awkward part of using ginger, and while you don’t necessarily need to, here are a few ways to do it efficiently.
Why not use a knife or peeler to peel ginger?
You can carefully peel plenty of things with a paring knife, so why not now? Ginger presents two challenges to the knife: it’s round and curvaceous, and the skin is incredibly thin and slick. Using a knife to peel ginger will inevitably result in cutting away too much of the valuable flesh along with the skin. The same goes for a potato peeler. Most peelers are too wide to adjust to the curvatures of ginger, and the angle of the blade can cut in too deep, resulting in ginger loss.
Consider how you will use the ginger
How you plan to use the ginger can help you decide which method is best for the situation. Grating ginger is best for when you want the root to disappear into a mixture. These minuscule bits are ideal for baked goods, sauces, or marinades. Chopped ginger may be more your speed, especially if you want the ginger to be a presence in the final dish. Minced or matchsticks of ginger can be best for stir fries, soups, or dumplings. Consider if you’re using the ginger root in a presentational way. Are you candying it, or slicing thin cross sections of the root with a mandolin? Then you may want to consider peeling the root in a way that preserves the natural shape.
Use a spoon
Credit: Allie Chanthorn Reinmann
This peeling method is the most popular, likely because it’s not terribly difficult and pretty much everyone has a spoon handy, even in a college dorm room. Use a metal spoon. The best ones for this purpose are small, for maneuverability around the nodes, and have a thin edge in order to easily lift the skin.
Hold the ginger securely in your non-dominant hand. With the other hand, use firm pressure to scrape against the ginger. It may take a couple tries to snag the skin, but once you do it’s easy to continue. You can scrape toward yourself or away from yourself, it’s really whatever feels right. I do a mixture of scraping down toward the plate for large sections and then scraping up toward myself for the detail work.
Take care not to carve out chunks of the ginger with the spoon. Rushing this process will only damage the flavorsome stem, so take your time. This method is ideal for chopping the root into large chunks, mincing, or matchsticks.
Use a microplane
Credit: Allie Chanthorn Reinmann
A microplane is a handy kitchen tool composed of a series of mini-blades. You can buy narrow ones or wide ones and finely grate veggies, zest citrus, or micro-shred hard cheeses. You can also prepare ginger with a microplane.
Use it to remove the skin. A microplane makes an excellent citrus zester because the blades are small and make shallow cuts, just removing the thin oil-laden layer of citrus fruit. Use a microplane to do the same with ginger, except this time the “zest” is trash. Gently rub the ginger against the lifted tines of the microplane once or twice and do a quick check to see how it went. If you need more or less force, adjust your pressure. Repeat this, checking frequently, to make your way around the stem. I find that thinner microplanes are better for getting around the body of the ginger. Mine has tines curved around the sides as well so I can use them to navigate the smaller areas. Some areas will be too tight, so you can either break these off, or use your finger nail to scrape the skin from those tiny spots (sorry if that’s gross, I’m a cave troll).
Credit: Allie Chanthorn Reinmann
Just grate it all. As I mentioned, ginger skin is really very thin. Although I wouldn’t love to eat a large strip of skin, teeny tiny grated bits won’t even register on your palate. Grate the stem, peel and all, on the microplane. Some of the skin will make it through, but you can see in the picture that a lot of the skin actually curls up on the other side and doesn’t fall through. Just brush it off into the trash. Grated ginger is delicious as an aromatic base for sauces, stir fries, and marinades. You can also use it like this for batters and icings.
Use a scrubby green pad
Credit: Allie Chanthorn Reinmann
I saw this technique used by Thomas Keller to preserve the round shape of carrots. While it’s effective, I think it’s only really necessary if you’re working at The French Laundry. But you might be whipping up Michelin star creations, so who am I to keep techniques hidden from you?
Use a green scrubby dish pad to rub off the ginger’s skin. I have a thick green pad in the picture, but the super-thin, cheap ones are better for bending and applying pressure. Apply pressure and scrub away. You’ll be able to navigate the curves of the stem with the edges of the pad and keep the beautiful roundness of the plant. Unfortunately, once the pad gets clogged up with fiber you have to use an area of fresh scrubby. So this method requires you to rinse off the pad every now and then. Use this peeling method when the appearance is a high priority, so if you’re making candied ginger planks, or dehydrated ginger chips for garnishing cocktails or an entremet. If you are, send a picture, I’d love to see it. Happy ginger peeling.
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