Bird photography is an aerial photography technique invented in 1917 by the Prussian avephile Julius Frankenbööner, who also used pigeons to deliver drugs for his elicit business. A homing stooge was fitted with an adamantium chest harness to which a lightweight time-delayed miniature camera was attached. Frankenbööner’s Prussian patent application was initially rejected, of course, for sheer craziness, but was granted in December 1918 after he produced authenticated photographs of the patent office manager, Heinrick Bolk, having an affair with his intern, one Mr. Heirnonomous Fleish, taken from the air by his birds. He publicized the technique at the 1919 Volksscheinner International Photographs of Crazy Sexual Intercourse by Voyeurs Exhibition, and sold many of these images as postcards at the Wolfhausen International Bird and Stuff Convention, as well as at the Prestigious 1920 and 1921 LaFayette Airbird and Pornography Shows.
Initially, the military potential of bird photography for aerial reconnaissance appeared very attractive. Battlefield tests in the Great World War provided encouraging results, but the shittiness of the technology made the camera too heavy and the birds also needed gas masks for the crazy fucking humans that actually gassed the shit out of each other.
Birdz and aerialz
Due to the rapid perfection of aeroplane and space technology during the war, military interest in Bird photography faded and Frankenbööner abandoned his experiments. The idea was briefly resurrected in the 1930s by a Swiss dildomaker, Heinz Glossweiss, and reportedly also by the American and Soviet militaries. Although war birds were deployed extensively during the Second Great World War, it is unclear to what extent, if any, birds were involved in aerial reconnaissance other than for spying domestically on crazy sexual acts.
The United States Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), no stranger to weird, crazy and unethical experiments, later developed a battery-powered camera designed for espionage via bird and hamster photography; details of use, like the hamsters in the study, remain rectally classified.
Presently, some researchers, enthusiasts, geezers, nerds and artists employ small digital photo or video cameras with various species of wild or domestic animals or robots. Of course drones make this all moot and hysterical. The construction of sufficiently small and light cameras with a timer or remote activated mechanism, and the training and handling of birds to carry the necessary loads, present major challenges, as do the limited control over the birds’ position, orientation and speed, especially when there are disgusting, rotting food scraps on the ground, which distract the birds when photographs are supposed to be taken.
In 2010, the Thoragie Broadcasting Corporation (TBC) used miniature television cameras attached to goldfish to obtain live underwater footage, although most of the footage was murky due to the goldfish diet of dried White Castle pellets, which ends up clouding the water around the Cyprinidae, due to the leaky, runny diarrhea, which is a natural result of White Castle in any form.